Adventures in Cat Sitting

TOG:  Well I was having a slow day so I thought how could I add to your stress And here’s what I cam up with OakDale needs an annual physician’s evaluation of me. It means going to Dr. Pham and shaking his hand. Unfortunately this coming Friday is his last day at Kaiser he’s leaving How could he do that to me. Anyway sometime after your family leaves and you’re feeling exuberant plan on a trip to the new doctor and the nurses station for TB test which means another visit in 489 hours to have it read. So how are your feeling and are you prepared for your family

WISIMH:  That’s as funny as your face would be if you took a selfie after I punched it to the consistency of an expired cherry pie. And it’s perfectly consistent with your record-setting streak of coincidentally finding some way to mess up time I try to spend in the company of my family without you around. And you mentioned a fuck I don’t give about your health, so that added to my enjoyment.

After we cleared up fun fact that he was just messing with me and had already arranged with his residence to take him to the new doc next month…

TOG:  ..I know the stress of family is getting to you. You enjoy S’s graduation. And stop being superwoman. Health first!!

Me: … I’m doing fine but more anxious about you and Lily than about family.

TOG is babysitting my old and sick kitty for 4-5 nights while my house is filled with visiting family and pets. She is on prescription food for her failing kidneys and we’ve discussed how he’ll have to sequester his cat’s treats and food and put out only the prescription stuff while he has a cat houseguest. Or, at least I thought I’d made that clear. Then again, I may only have mentioned it once or twice so far.

TOG: I promise to be nice to her.

Me: And not to let her escape.

TOG:  Maybe we all make our own destinies.

Me:  If you lose my kitty, your destiny will be bloody, brutish and brief.

WISIMH: See? I too have a sense of humor. And there is a real danger the cat will manage to get out the door while you’re motoring in or out. And once that happens, although she doesn’t run fast, she plays a little game where you have to capture her when she slows down to let you pick her up. I fear the rules to the game would confound TOG.

Me: Do you have a flea comb? I have to go to Petsmart before I bring Lily tomorrow. Need anything?

TOG: Thanks but no thanks. Don’t need a flea comb because there’s no fleas.

WISIMH:  Objection, non-responsive. To be fair, I did ask two questions – always problematic. I further complicated things by inserting a sentence in between the two questions.

Me:  Not what I asked. I think Lil may have fleas. She has small scabs that often begin a bad breakout. Guess I’ll buy a flea comb and then lend it to you… Do you have dry KD to leave out? I’ll bring enough wet food for both cats.

TOG’s cat is a healthy cat who can eat anything – and does. My cat is a purebred who is dying from kidney failure and can only eat expensive prescription food. While I’ve even stopped giving her the dry KD food, I know TOG’s cat has one of those bins on a bowl so she can munch. When the cats are together I figure dry food will be ok but no non-prescription food can be left out. Seems simple enough.

TOG: I don’t’ have a flea comb but will be sensitive to them. KD dry food I have is mixed with some other stuff. Patti doesn’t need wet. I have lots of KD fish.

WISIMH:  See, here’s the problem. Your cat doesn’t need wet food but you have a lot of it, presumably for my cat. While you cat will have access to non-prescription dry food. And you see nothing wrong with this setup? Having lived with both cats for >10 years you might recall that they will eat out of either bowl and if dry food is available, both cats will eat it.

Me: When Lily is there you can only put out KD food. For both cats….I’ll bring wet and dry KD. For both cats.

TOG:  Only planned on KD food but thought Lily ate only wet.

WISIMH:  You’re right: Lily generally only eats canned food, not the dry stuff. Now, you might mean that you won’t be leaving out any dry food, and will feed both cats from the supply of wet food you have. But you said earlier that your cat doesn’t eat wet food. So you can see my confusion. Actually, frustration. How can such a simple matter become so complicated?

Me:  Will discuss tomorrow.

WISIMH:  It’s not like I don’t know I’m overly sensitive about my cat’s failing health. But I communicate better with the cat than I do with you. I’m on my last nerve trying to get past your lame attempts at humor to a point where you can understand and acknowledge the most seemingly simple matters. And your understanding that I’m under some extra stress about this family gathering, and your concern for my health would be touching if it wasn’t couched in mean jokes and possibly deliberate misunderstandings.