“I was no longer happy in Auschwitz once the mass
exterminations had begun…. At first, I felt unhappy at the prospect of
uprooting myself, for I had become deeply involved with Auschwitz as a result
of all the difficulties and troubles and the many heavy tasks that had been
assigned to me there. But then I was glad to be free from it all.”
-
Rudolf
Hoess
A symptom
of stress over selling a house is having thicker mood swings – higher, lower, longer, twistier,
suddenly hitting like a bag of sand dropped on your head. I’m currently in a
trough of a mood swing up to my neck in sand.
The house
is old. There are some quite serious plumbing problems. Today, leaks in 50 year old cast iron pipes were eclipsed by the chimney sweep who didn't even wear a top hat and whose handshake is supposed to bring good luck. As of the close of business today, my plumbing problems are to my chimney problems as
a cool breeze is to having a bag of sand dropped on your head. Tomorrow that will change for the worse. You might say I am waiting for the electrician. The
electrician will complete his inspection and then probably back up a dump truck of sand on my
head through the holes in the chimney.
It’s an
old house and quite a heavy task to sell. The termites and I have loved it a long time. And speaking of
termites and heaviness of tasks, here’s a fun fact. The other day, while I was on
hold with the termite inspector, instead of canned music, I listened to a
charmingly professional airport announcer lady’s voice telling me that the
weight of all the termites in the world exceeds the weight of all the humans in
the world. Not the number. The weight. (Well, probably the number too.)
On the bright side - like many
problems in life - all I have to do is throw some money at it. That’s what money
is for. I could be on a restricted calorie diet like Rudolph’s guests. I
imagine they might have been even unhappier than he was. I am in no danger of
going to bed hungry with the smell of burning meat permeating my tent.
WISIMH: Wait! Did you just invoke Godwin's Law in
describing how bad it is to move?
Me: No, fool. I wasn’t trying to prove my point about stress by reductio ad Hitlerum. I was trying to explain that unhappiness is relative. I’m was trying to be all positive and shit. Why are you so angry all the time?
WISIMH: (Going to my happy place) I
wonder what my weight in termites would look like.
Me: I bet the volume of the stacked sandbags
that hit me today.
WISIMH: At
least, like poor, unhappy Rudolf, I will be glad when we're free from it all.
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