So, me and The Other Guy now live separately. The reasons
why he moved from our home to a studio apartment in an independent living
senior community where he will eventually migrate to assisted living are either
seriously complex or sublimely simple depending on what time of day I try to
explain. In the bright light of day, he desperately needs a full time caretaker and
I’m distressingly not up to it. In the dark hours of the night I’m simply a selfish bitch. We
talk, text, use FaceTime to kiss goodnight and do lunch a couple of times a
week when I bring him mail or run errands with him. We still love each other
and now we don’t drive each other crazy.
Or, as crazy.
Today, I decided to deliver a large ungainly but not terribly
heavy box he ordered online but had delivered to me instead of his place. We’d
planned to do it tomorrow, but I was nearby walking the dog around the lake and
called him from the car to see if I could drop it off today instead of
tomorrow when we'd planned to meet for bagels and coffee and then go to the grocery store.
So, I used the Bluetooth function on the car and called him.
There was a regular ring, then an odd ring which we later learned meant he
tried to answer in FaceTime instead of by voice. Since I can’t/didn’t accept
the facetime call on the Bluetooth, I got a strange different ring then a disconnect.
So I called again. It went straight to his voicemail because
of course he was trying to call me back via facetime again. I left voicemail,
hung up, and the phone promptly rang. Remember, I’m in the car, now about 10
minutes from his place.
Me: Yellow.
Pause because, well, because it always takes The Other Guy a
while to understand, process, react and reply.
TOG: Do you want to (Keep in mind I’m deaf) base
line?
M: Do I want to what?
Lather, rinse, repeat. Again.
M: Ahhh,
facetime! No. I’m calling from the car.
You know. Driving.
TOG: Where?
M: In the
driver’s seat.
TOG: You’re driving here?
M: I'm driving past your place. I’m taking Lucy to walk around
the (nearby) lake. Then, we can meet at the bagel place for coffee (he can ride his
Go-Go down the block). Then I can drive back and drop off the package. Ok?
TOG: (Bear with me as I paraphrase. It’s difficult
to replicate his words and lack of content) Matt will tell you where to drive
the car. Drop off the package so maintenance can get it to my room. At some
point. Call me back.
WISIMH: The plan included you coming out with me to
sit in the car with the dog while I went to the grocery store. I infer I’m to
drop off the box, but have no information regarding when or where, let alone about our other plans. Before the
lake? After the bagels and coffee? The
grocery trip? At what fucking point? And why call when later when
we’re actually talking now and could make some sense if we really put our minds
to it? Then again, why do I bother?
M: I’ll call you when I’m done our walk at the
lake. About an hour. By the way, the package is not really heavy, just bulky…
WISIMH: … as I
might have mentioned several dozen times…
M: … a hand truck will get it into the elevator
and to your room.
(Crickets)
M: Ok, see you
later. Bye
After the walk, I call. We say hello.
TOG: Drive around to the front lobby entrance and
Matt will bring a hand truck.
M: Ok, then we’ll
go to get bagels and coffee and then groceries?
TOG: Um, just around by the front entrance. Not
where you usually park to pick me up.
WISIMH: Which is exactly at the front entrance.
Although to be fair, I think you mean two parking places closer than that. For
somebody who never walks farther than the couch to the bathroom, that’s
practically another neighborhood.
M: Bagels? Groceries? Want to just keep Lucy
while I shop and I’ll pick her up later?
WISIMH: As if.
TOG: Think I just want to stay here.
Damn, I really wanted an excuse to get a bagel. This is
Fate’s punishment for being such a selfish bitch.
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