System Preferences

“'Miss Shorthorn,' I said, with a sort of innocent emphasis, 'you will excuse my friend's loud jocularity. It is rather late, I know, for his feelings to adopt such a strain, but really the subject on which we were discussing was so hideously risible that I can well understand his lengthy laugh.' "

 - Donald Dudley, exhibiting the glib felicity of language that is the hallmark of the literary critic.

I was recently discussing Hewlett Packard printers with myself. Very loudly.

It has recently come to my attention that I’m a negative whiney bitch. I honestly knew about the last part, and strongly suspected the first part. But, I now accept that I sometimes  whine. Fortunately, in my house, nobody but the cats can hear me scream on the subject of the HP printers. And, of course, Yosemite, which up until now has done nothing more ominous than steal half of my iTunes library, make me re-establish alibis for every app I want on my desktop and generally make the file finder function futile. Thank you and goodbye, iTunes. Hello Spotify.

I actually had one printer that printed most of the time. It even scanned some of the time there for a while when I used a third-party VuScan app. Then, thinking to fix it so it worked consistently, I downloaded drivers from HP. Nothing has worked since. At all. Despite hours of troubleshooting, whining, cursing, and faith healing. Admittedly, I have the faith of somebody in the Fifth Circle of Hell. Still, nothing has worked, and it is rather late to expect anything other than inappropriately loud jocularity.

So: I’m done whining about HP printers. I am no longer hideously risible wrt/HP. I’ve adjusted my attitude and my medications to reduce the strain on my feelings caused by all this technology. I’m so over Apple and HP. My biggest problem now is that the HP Officejet Pro 8600 is too big to use as a doorstop; and frankly, I don’t need no tech support to solve this problem. I have a large mallet and plenty of bourbon. 

My system preferences have now been reset.